SO FRUSTERATED!!

so today I wolfed down a cake and milk, cereal peanut butter and a banana and barley threw up. My mom is thinking of sending me to a 4 week program in the hospital bc I am out of control. Does anyone have any suggestions? I dont know what to do. I want to lose 15 pounds now. im probably up to like 120 now. im 5'3 and that's a shit load for me. Im use to being only 90- 110 pounds. this is the most ive wieghd for a long time. Im so frustrated bc food is just my life as of now. I dont know what to do. I feel fat, ugly, unwanted, low, far from myself. far from perfection.

anyone out there?

Lately, its been real tough over here.

I feel like I need someone who understand me.

anyone out there?

things have been.. well..

hey guys!

so i havent wrote here for awhile. Everything is as crazy as ever.
Ive been throwing up a couple times a day and think i probly gained some un wanted wiehgt last night as dinner, bc I couldnt throw up after it :/ Im starting group on sunday and im really excited about that! as badly as i want to be skinny, I want to do it the healthy way. I find i am jus tloney and look at food as my friend, whom I also hate. :P sometimes i feel as if i am going crazy here, with my dad doing chemo, me in a new school and trying to "fit in" trying to loose wieght and find myself all at the same time is tough. Man whoever said its hard being a teenager, got that one right!