its 9:32pm my time and just ate a shit load of cake, tomorrow i am going to the hospital to seak help for my bulimia. I have been slacking latley, ive been getting so tired of this. Before the feeling was amazing, I have never felt such a release.. but now im just so sick of it.
I want to go anerexic again and i am highly considering it..
maybe after this week in the hospital I will gain the will power i need to do it.
But at the same time I am a bit scared i will become the zombie i once was when i was anorexic. I had no feelings and got so lost with who i was. I still am, but i am much more aware of who I am now. I do not want to go crazy but I do want to feel beautiful again, I want to be thin and in control.
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